The Hireling

Many features of the final of The Apprentice are just too heart-warming to be passed over without a little gloat.

It was so very pleasing to see the dream team of Alex and Helene squabble and bicker and point fingers at each other throughout, and highly entertaining to see them ably "assisted" by Kevin. Between explaining how unjust it was that he had been dismissed so early and hadn't won it, he crept round Alex like a cut-price fight fixer, bigging him up and dissing Helene. Having chosen the cherub-faced toxic-bar for their team, there was little Alex could say. Last week Nick described him as "subtle", which I take it is Management Speak for sly and untrustworthy, so he probably didn't want to say anything anyway. That really reduces your chances of successful slyness and untrustworthiness.

After a nail-biting middle portion of show where I gloomily assumed that Glum Helene and Creepy Alex were doomed to success, for the designer had suggested a brilliant (though blatantly expensive) bottle, and it looked like this would swing it for them, hurrah! it was a total fix and the others won. I did wonder what Helene meant when she said she was glad to be working with Alex - was she looking forward to blaming him when they failed (as she did, looking satisfied for the first time in the show)? Or was it that she was too stupid to realise that she and Alex were by some margin the weaker candidates - those who had signally failed throughout to show any real ability? A woman keener on the Good Excuse than the Good Winning, I sagely concluded.

And then Alex wept in the back of the taxi. I found this made me like him for the first moment ever. Clearly still a prize prick, as soon as he cried, I decided maybe he was not all bad. He was back on form on "You're Fired" through, and I remembered I should know better. He was given a pink hairbrush that tells him how lovely his hair is, in many different phrases. The perfect gift, and I was surprised he could resist giving it a go immediately. He should just love it. And deep down, I do like the vainglorious dorks to be happy.